Dear Ones,
I hope that you have enjoyed your summer, whether that means vacations with family and friends or quiet moments in nature listening to the animals and insects around you.
As I may have shared before, when I was growing up we didn’t go on vacations. My mother was a single mom who worked full-time as a waitress. Because of this, our vacations occurred when she was able to save enough money to cover the income she would miss while taking a week off of work to be with us. We did “staycations” before there was such a word for them. So I still think of vacation time as something you fill up with fun things in the area you live. This is a gift that I still thank my mom for.
Now having spent the last 5 years with you all, your love for nature has finally started to wear off on me. I find a little bit of vacation (aka joy) every morning when I walk the tiny nature trail by our house. Thank you for this beautiful gift.
Speaking of gifts, I would like to share with you all the gifts (learnings) I discovered during my sabbatical. I had hoped to do this when I returned May 1, but felt like I was trying to jump onboard a moving train, ha.
Before getting started, please let me thank you all for the opportunity to take those four months away from the congregation. As someone who grew up working class—this truly was a dream come true. I understand this was a first for MVUUF as well, with prior ministers either not taking sabbatical or taking shorter sabbaticals that didn’t require a sabbatical minister. Thank you for investing in me and our shared ministry.
As often happens, the sabbatical experience was different than I expected. A good reminder for you all as you go into this discernment season. Even when we do our homework, the actual experience is often different than we could have predicted. We need to leave ourselves open for surprises of both disappointment and joy.
First of all, I missed you all terribly, especially during the first month. MVUUF is my place of work AND a group of special people who embraced me and my family with love. It took me awhile to not think of you all, all the time. Who would have expected that, huh?
This was further exacerbated by the ridiculously long To-Do list that I had created for myself as sabbatical prep. So behind the scenes, I spent January slowly chipping away at my list until receiving a firm but supportive message to cease and desist from our MidAmerica Region contact, Rev. Dr. Lisa Presley (it was February by now).
Once I let the list go, I was able to see that my list was like a mom who packs the freezer with labeled and dated meals so that her family won’t have to take care of themselves while she’s away. I needed to let you and Rev. Ruth figure out how to manage the congregation without me. That was one of the whole points of my sabbatical, for goodness sake. This realization gave me great relief.
From Spring of 2022, I had been planning to audition for a play during my sabbatical. I was a theatre major when I first attended university and continued acting until I was 30. So I researched the plays that fit my sabbatical timeline and found two that had parts I could play. Even auditioning for two, I knew it was a long shot that I would be cast because the community theatre world is small and these plays both had tiny casts, with each role being a major character. It would be unusual for them to cast a newbie.
After the first audition (for the play I was cast in), I had very bittersweet feelings. Being in the audition was thrilling and made me realize how much I missed live theatre. However, as is normally the case, there were a lot of incredible women auditioning for only 2 parts (whereas there were only a few men auditioning). I was certain that I had not done well enough to be cast. After the second audition (for the other play, the Dayton Theatre Guild’s Relativity), I felt a little better, like I might have a small chance. I was shocked and THRILLED to be offered my part in the Dayton Playhouse’s God of Carnage (the feel-bad comedy that shows how horrible people can be).
And the offer was only the beginning of a rollercoaster of feelings and experiences through rehearsals and our final production in March. Admittedly, I was very nervous and a wee bit insecure—I was 26 the last time I was in a play with scripted material, playing Hero in Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing (26 years ago). The other actors were excellent out of the gate and I was terrified the director would think he made a mistake casting me. This was also the largest role I had ever had (I usually played the supporting characters) and I was seriously concerned that I wouldn’t be able to memorize my lines.
It has been a while since I stretched this far out of my comfort zone (maybe since my first year with you all, hehe). My experience with the play is another reminder for you all in the months ahead of discernment. Feelings of discomfort and fear are not indications that you’re making the wrong decisions or can’t perform the task well. Difficult feelings are completely normal when we stretch outside our comfort zones and grow.
My experience in the play also gave me the opportunity to observe and learn from different leadership styles: those of the director, Tim Rezash, and the stage manager, Dawn Roth Smith. Both Tim and Dawn went out of their ways to lift up the cast and encourage us. When we started rehearsing without our scripts, Tim talked with us about how slow he and Dawn are to memorize their lines as actors. He emphasized that no one was judging us and that they had total faith we would get it done by the time we opened. By sharing their own difficulties with us, they allowed us to see short-term struggling as expected and okay.
Dawn had the unlucky job of making my stage vomit and then literally cleaning it off of us behind stage each night (it was water, applesauce and oatmeal). Much to my surprise, she embraced her yucky job with excitement, humor, and patience (I think I would have been tempted to play the suffering martyr). Dawn embraced every part of her volunteer work because she loves theatre and is a theatre veteran (actor, director, stage manager, and board member). She truly believes that all jobs/roles are important and try to make everything fun.
The final thing I learned from Tim’s leadership style was how a good leader can set firm boundaries without generating animosity from others. Tim communicated his boundaries and the responsibilities of his role with directness, confidence, and kindness. As someone who still feels guilty/uncomfortable setting boundaries and exercising my authority, Tim’s ability to do so really impressed me.
A perfect example of this was on our first day of tech week (the final week of rehearsal before opening night). At the beginning of the rehearsal, Tim explained that the time for collaboration was over. While he had encouraged and often followed our suggestions/requests in previous weeks of rehearsal, it was now necessary for him to make the final decisions without debate or discussion from the cast. He explained it was necessary because we no longer had time to change things each night—we needed to finalize the choices we made so the play would be ready to open in 5 days. I appreciated that he communicated new boundaries clearly, ahead of time.
In addition to the play, I also read a lot, spent stress-free time with Matt and my mom, saw other play productions, caught up on all the normal doctor appointments that Matt and I had missed over the last year, visited friends from my first UU congregation in Los Angeles (one of them just turned 87!?!), established a healthy sleep schedule, recommitted to healthier eating and smaller portions, and FINALLY started a 5-6 day walking schedule. I’m proud to say that I’ve been able to keep the last three items up since the beginning of April.
When I first began reflecting on the learnings of my sabbatical, I saw them as learnings for myself as a minister and a parent. I planned to share them with you so that I didn’t forget them and I hoped some of you might resonate with them as well on a personal level. Kind of like a “What I Did This Summer” essay.
And as is so often the case, it wasn’t until I began writing that I realized how helpful these learnings might be for the congregation as we move through the discernment process:
- Leave ourselves open for surprises of both disappointment and joy.
- Difficult feelings are completely normal when we stretch outside our comfort zones and grow.
- See short-term struggling as expected and okay.
- All jobs/roles are important and try to make everything fun.
- Communicate new boundaries clearly, ahead of time.
I am so glad to be back with you all (honest!). I pray for your health, growth, and flourishing.
With much gratitude and love,
Kellie